i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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