I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm like, not good at living.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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