Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
