If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
