it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
