He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
