He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
