everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
