I hate all girls vehemently.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is my gift to your gina
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize