Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
