Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
