Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
