How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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