she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
