some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
