the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
