So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
