Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
