I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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