I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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