we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm both gender and math confused
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