I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize