I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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