Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
