I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
