the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
