dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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