I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
