this just has baby written all over it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
