She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
