i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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