my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
