chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
