i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
