I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
