mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
