I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
