I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
