If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
