trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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