Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize