Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
