There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
