Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
