i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
