You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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