hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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