i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
