Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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