Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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