They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
