oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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