Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
