I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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