What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
