The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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