This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
