i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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