____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
