ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
