I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
